Struggling with myself

When life hits, it hits hard... when big changes are coming, big pain and losses occur to make space for the new. But how do we stop struggling with ourselves and just let life happen? How do we stop struggling with ourselves and just surrounder to God's plan? And how to we know what God's plan is?

I have spent the past few years working on my well being, on my spirit, focusing on my spirituality and emotional growth, to end up falling for an ex-lover again and all that completely thrown out to window. The pain and emotional rollercoaster followed, and after 6 months I am still struggling to find balance in my day to day and to stay grounded and positive. I know I can get there, I know I can find my spark again, but the process this time is tumultuous. I went back to my old ways, my old habits. Those that protected me as a young child, but no longer serve me. Those that were characterized by avoidance, self doubt, needs of being loved, perfectionism, and talking down on myself.

Why am I sharing these emotions and thoughts with you? To show you that these are part of life and part of being human. We sometimes try to hide those emotions and don't express them. Humans like to hide the truest part of themselves, hide the darkest and sad parts because...because it's not socially accepted, because others are unconfortable with vulnerability and raw emotions, because pain and hurt is the synonym of weakness for so many. But the sad and truest part: that's what makes us human. If we all have something in common, it's definetely that we all suffer and we all feel pain. We are more alike than we realize... but we hide those parts that could make us connect with another human being, another soul, at a higher level. And by doing so, we are only hurting ourselves. We are repressing the healing that comes when our feelings are validated, we continue living a life of unauthenticity and lies and mostly, we are letting society's expectations make us feel like we are failing because we are, at moments, allowing pain and hurt to take over.

My response to all of this: struggle, cry and feel the hurt! It's ok to struggle with ourselves, our emotions and where we are in life. Like the old saying goes, it is through the cracks that the light gets in! It is when we are so tired of our pain that we make the change. When life is a struggle, it is a sign that we are not living our authentic life and then a choice presents itself: continue struggling, or change and become free of the person you needed to be to survive, become free of doubts and fear and walk towards love, light, courage and peace!